Fun at the Hotel Hedonist
by that one little guy
Summary: Ribbon is getting obsessed over finding Crystal Shards, so the gang gets her a stay at a resort hotel so she can relax, and it works. . . a little too well.  COMPLETE!
1. Ribbon and Her Friends

Okay everyone, cut me a little slack. This is my first. . . fanfic. . . EVER. So please don't hunt me down and flay me alive if it fails to meet your expectations. Go ahead and criticize if you want, though.

**Big Official-sounding Disclaimer: **Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards and all characters contained therein are the sole property of Nintendo and HAL Laboratories. I claim ownership only of the characters created for the purposes of this narrative.

-----

"Wow. That thing's ugly."

"_Excuse _me?" Waddle Dee said angrily, spinning around from where he was standing to face Adeleine, when he noticed she wasn't even looking at him. She was holding a pair of binoculars up to her eyes and peering into a clearing on the other side of the bushes she was standing behind.

"Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking about me," Waddle Dee said.

"Nope. There's some really weird-looking animal over here. Gosh, I've never seen anything like it."

"What's it look like?"

"Hmm. . . an aardvark."

"An_ aardvark?_"

"Yep. An aardvark."

"I've gotta see that!" Waddle Dee grabbed the binoculars away from Adeleine and looked through them himself. Sure enough, there was something sitting in the clearing, and it looked more like an aardvark than anything else. It had four legs, long ears, and a longer nose, but very _un_like an aardvark, it was purple, and had a series of dark scars running down its back.

"Wow! What d'you suppose that thing is?"

Adeleine didn't answer. Waddle Dee had failed to notice that the binoculars had been hanging from a leather strap around her neck, and as he had pulled them away, the strap had tightened, cutting off Adeleine's windpipe by a considerable amount. Rather than answering his questions, all she was able to do was make a series of choking noises while scraping at the strap.

"Ah, well, it's probably not important," said Waddle Dee, tossing the binoculars carelessly over his shoulder. As luck would have it, they hit the still-choking Adeleine squarely in the head, causing her to fall to the ground in a twitching heap.

"Woah. You okay, Ad?"

"Geez, Waddle Dee, what'd you do to her?" asked King Dedede, who had just shown up. "'Cause whatever it was, you've gotta teach that to me."

"Oh, ha, ha, ha. You're a riot," Adeleine said irritably, standing back up and dusting herself off.

"Why were you looking at that thing in the first place, anyway?" Waddle Dee asked her.

"Duh! I wanted to paint a picture of it! I mean, painting the scenery is okay, but after a while it gets a little boring. Now if you'll both excuse me. . . ."

She grabbed the binoculars off the ground and looked through them again.

"Oh, _man! _It's gone! You guys scared it off!"

"Um, Ad," said Waddle Dee, "you might want to put the binoculars down."

"Huh? Why?"

She did so, and the first thing she noticed was that the aardvark was standing right in front of her.

"Oh! Hi, little fella," she said. "Where'd you come from?" It was gazing up at her, regarding her with a curious expression. Unable to resist, Adeleine reached down and pet it.

No sooner had she done so than the aardvark shot a bolt of electricity out of its nose, hitting Adeleine squarely in the chest and sending her flying backwards a full six feet. Then it spun around and scrambled away.

"Wow! That was awesome!" King Dedede exclaimed.

"Sweet Georgia Brown!" Adeleine screamed. "That really HURT!"

"Well, now we know that it's got spark power," Waddle Dee quipped before helping his best friend back to her feet. "I guess we ought to tell Ribbon about this."

-----

"You mean to tell me you got _electrocuted by a purple aardvark?_"

"Um, well, yeah, I do," Adeleine said uneasily, sensing that Ribbon was about to started yelling at her for at least the twentieth time that day. It seemed like she couldn't go for five minutes without doing something to tick Ribbon off.

"Ad, that's the dumbest story I've ever heard! There's no such thing as a purple aardvark!"

"But I have _witnesses!_"

"We know nothing," Waddle Dee said very quickly, knowing better than to side against Ribbon in any argument. He nudged King Dedede in the side, who nodded enthusiastically.

"What! YOU TRAITOR! I'LL KILL YA!" Adeleine snarled as she flung herself at Waddle Dee. Ribbon, of course, had long since gotten used to Adeleine's frequent lapses in self-control that seemed to come with being the emotional artistic type, and quickly grabbed her and hauled her back.

"Ad, knock it off. I really don't have time to deal with you and another one of your hare-brained stories. I have to find Kirby."

"He's gone?" Waddle Dee asked in surprise.

"_Yes! _I've been looking for him for hours and I can't find him anywhere! I get the feeling that he's avoiding me for some reason." Ribbon folded her arms and let out an angry huff as her wings started flapping more rapidly, as they always did whenever she was irritated.

"But Ribbon, who would ever want to avoid _you?_" Adeleine asked innocently.

A few moments later, Waddle Dee was once again helping up Adeleine, who was now sporting a bright red bruise on her cheek.

"Wow. Ribbon doesn't _punch _you very often," he remarked.

"She's better at detecting sarcasm than I thought," Adeleine noted.

"Hey, guys," came a faint voice from several feet above their heads. "Is it safe to come down yet?"

Everyone looked up. "Yeah, Kirby, she's gone," Adeleine called up. "She went off to look for you."

Kirby quickly shimmied down from the large tree he had been hiding in, landing on the ground with a thump.

"Man, you've _got _to do something about Ribbon," Adeleine continued, rubbing her cheek. "You seem to be the only one she likes even remotely. And she's been getting worse and worse."

"I used to think _I _was the cranky one," said King Dedede.

"Guys, you've got to cut her a little slack. She's just taking this whole Crystal Shard business really seriously."

"_Too _seriously, if you ask us!" Waddle Dee said sternly. "She never lets us relax, or have fun, or anything! We're getting, like, four or five hours of sleep a night! And every second we're not actively looking for a Crystal Shard, she bites our heads off!"

Kirby shook his head. "But you shouldn't give her such a hard time. You're always talking about her like there's nothing good about her at all. I mean, she's smart, she's determined, she's hard-working. . ."

"Yeah, she's got a lot of other stuff wrong with her too," Adeleine remarked.

Kirby just sighed and rolled his eyes, deciding it was useless to pursue the argument any further. True, Ribbon was harsh, domineering, humorless, and acted about thirty years too old, but he knew that she wasn't that way by nature. Really she was sweet, shy, and caring for everyone. The problem was, she felt like she _had _to behave the way she did. She felt like the responsibility to save her home planet rested solely on her, and that every moment she wasted increased the chances that she would be too late, and that Ripple Star would be beyond salavation from Dark Matter. She was constantly pushing herself to the extreme, and unfortunately, she did it to the others too.

"Okay, I admit she's been getting a little out of hand lately," he said. "And yes, I'm worried about her. All that stress building up might eventually turn lethal."

"For _her, _or for _us?_" Adeleine asked, gesturing to the bruise on her cheek.

"Hmm. Fair question."

"You're right, Kirby," Waddle Dee said. "Ribbon may be. . . well. . . not nice at times, but she's our friend. If we let her keep going like she is, she's going to hurt herself. We should help her."

"_Help _her?" Kirby repeated. "I was just going to sit here complaining about it some more."

Kirby did not always have the best ideas.

-----

Okay! Hope you enjoyed! Next chapter hopefully coming very soon!


	2. The Great Idea

Yaaaaaay! I got a review! In less than five hours! Let's keep 'em coming, people, unless you want me to suffer emotional lacerations for the rest of my life! Well? Do you? (bursts into tears) WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?

-----

The next day, which had one again required getting up at circa five in the morning, Ribbon had led the others into the middle of a very large city.

"Wow! This place is fantastic!" Kirby exclaimed.

"It's great," Ribbon muttered. "I need a coffee. You guys wait here and don't screw anything up while I'm gone. That means YOU, Ad."

"What?" Adeleine said innocently, trying to hide a chainsaw she had in her hand behind her back. Ribbon just groaned and flew off.

"Did you hear that?" Kirby said to the others once she was out of earshot. "She's getting a COFFEE! Who in their right mind drinks coffee at her age?"

"Maybe that's why she's so short," Adeleine observed, inconspicuously tossing the chainsaw away. "Anyway, I hope she doesn't really think there's a Crystal Shard around here. This place is huge."

"No kidding," said Kirby. "Well, I'm gonna get a newspaper and see if they're still offering a reward for us from last week."

"Oh yeah. I remember that," Adeleine said, grinning sheepishly. "Boy, I thought they'd never stop chasing us."

When Kirby returned a few minutes later, everyone sat down on a bench to read their favorite sections of the newspaper. In other words, Kirby threw most of it away while they all pored over the comics. After a little while, Waddle Dee happened to glance over his shoulder at one of the discarded sections of the paper, then did a double take. He snatched it up and started studying it closely.

"Hey, guys, look at this ad in the paper," he said.

"I'M IN THE PAPER?" Adeleine shrieked excitedly. "Where?"

"He meant look at the ADVERTISEMENT in the paper," said King Dedede, smacking her upside the head.

"Yeah, stupid," said Waddle Dee.

"Hey! I thought we were best friends!"

"We are, but it doesn't mean you're not stupid. Now check this out, you guys. They're advertising this hotel downtown called the Bayside Hotel. Doesn't it look cool?"

Everyone leaned over to look.

"Yeah, what about it?" asked Kirby.

"What about it! They've got a pool, a hot tub, massages, breakfast buffets. . . doesn't that sound like what Ribbon needs?"

"Who cares? As long as we can dump her somewhere for a few days, I say go for it!" said Adeleine.

"Ad, I think the point is that it's relaxing," Kirby informed her. "Maybe this way we can get Ribbon's blood pressure down to normal. Let me see that, Waddle Dee."

Kirby examined the advertisement for a long time. "Wow, this sounds _perfect_ for her! And it says that for a limited time only, a three-day weekend stay for one person is only. . . SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS?"

"They're not gonna get a lot of business if they emphasize the price like that," Adeleine remarked.

"They _didn't_. That was just me being surprised. We can't afford this! We're all broke!"

"Aw, come on, Kirby, since when has legality ever been a problem for us?" Waddle Dee asked. "Besides, this isn't just for her. If she's gone, we get three whole days to ourselves! No Crystal Shards, no hiking all day long – and no getting up at five!"

"Imagine it," said Adeleine. "Sleeping in until seven-thirty! Maybe even _eight!_"

Everyone sighed dreamily.

"Yeah, you guys are absolutely right," Kirby agreed. "Ribbon needs this, and more importantly, so do we. Let's do it."

"Great," said King Dedede. "How do we get seven hundred dollars?"

"The same way we _always _get money," Kirby replied, casting a very sly grin at Adeleine.

"What?" she cried, looking panicked. "Ohhhhh no, Kirby! I already told you I was never doing that again!"

-----

Adeleine was standing by the side of a busy road, holding her paintbrush and pallette so that they were clearly visible. On the ground next to her was a sign reading "PLEASE GIVE".

"Oh, are you an artist?" asked a woman who was walking by. "You poor thing. Here, have ten dollars." And she dropped a bill into a small pile of money on the ground before leaving.

"This is the LAST TIME," Adeleine shouted behind her at Kirby, Waddle Dee, and King Dedede, who were all hiding behind a mailbox and finding it very difficult to keep their laughter under control. "And how many times do I have to tell people, NOT ALL ARTISTS ARE POOR!"

"_You _are," Waddle Dee reminded her.

"THAT'S BECAUSE I'M TEN YEARS OLD AND I DON'T HAVE A JOB!"

The three guys all just rolled their eyes and said something along the line of "Details, details."

"Hey, I'm warning you, you guys had better shut up!"

"Why?" asked Kirby.

"'Cause I've got a baseball bat! And those really hurt when you get hit on the head with one!"

"You don't have a baseball bat!" King Dedede objected, but at that very moment, Adeleine whipped out her easel and painted a picture of one. Instantly it turned into a real bat and fell right into her hands.

"I DO NOW, BIOTCHES!" she screamed and started chasing after the unfortunate other three. As she did so, a random shifty-eyed guy walked up to her unsupervised pile of money, quickly stuffed it into his pockets, and walked away whistling.

"What? Oh, _crap!_" Adeleine shouted as soon as she noticed. "Hey, punk, gimme that back!" The guy tried to run away, but Adeleine flung herself on top of him, knocking him to the ground, and started whacking the bejeezus out of him with her bat.

"Maybe we should just take out a loan next time," said Kirby.

-----

"Okay, guys, what's this all about?" asked Ribbon. It was later that morning, and everyone was leading her up a street. Kirby's hands were over her eyes.

"Just wait, Ribbon, you'll love it," he said. We got this just for you."

"But is this really important? We really should be working and. . . ." She sniffed. "Kirby, are you using rose petal scented hand lotion?"

"Okay, you can look!" Kirby said hastily, throwing his hands off her eyes as quickly as he could before hiding them behind his back..

"Scented hand lotion?" Adeleine exclaimed. "Geez, Kirby, I always looked upon you as an archetype of masculinity, but _now_. . . ."

Ribbon looked up in confusion. They were standing across the street from the Bayside Hotel.

"You guys got me a building?" she asked.

"No, Ribbon, it's a hotel!" said Kirby. "And we bought you a room there for three whole days – today, tomorrow, and Sunday!"

"YOU DID WHAT?" Ribbon yelled, not looking at all happy.

Adeleine rolled her eyes. "Oh, you're welcome, Ribbon. And no, I didn't have to do _anything _degrading or illegal to get that seven hundred dollars. Just ask the Poor Artists' Guild."

Ribbon ignored her completely. "Guys, I can't stay in a _hotel _all weekend! We've got a job! And I obviously can't trust all of you to do it yourselves! What were you all _thinking! _Do you even _care _about the fate of the universe? How dense _are _you, you – "

She went on ranting for several minutes more before Kirby finally got tired of it and clubbed her over the head.

"Kirby, I thought you _liked _her," King Dedede said in confusion as Kirby struggled to hold up the now-unconscious fairy.

"It's really more like a love-hate relationship," Kirby admitted.


	3. The Great Idea, Part Two

HA HA! YES! I was waiting for another review! Just for you, Gameorama91, I have updated! Mwa ha ha! Feel awkward yet?

-----

"Well, I can assure all of you that as soon as your friend regains consciousness, she'll absolutely love it," said one of the hotel receptionists. "I think somebody already took her up to her room, so everything's been taken care of."

"Thanks very much," Kirby replied jovially. "Seriously, thanks _very _much. You have no idea how much I needed this."

"Oh, really? Is she your girlfriend then?"

"HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA!" Adeleine exploded into laughter, her body shaking so much that she had to lean against King Dedede. "Kirby's _girlfriend! _That's the most hilarious thing I've ever heard!"

Everyone else (the receptionist included) started looking more than a little embarrassed as she continued to shriek with laughter. Waddle Dee started coughing loudly. Finally Dedede got so fed up that he smacked her for the second time that day, knocking her to the ground.

"Hey!" Adeleine snapped as she leapt back to her feet. "You can't hit a _girl!_"

Dedede rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, most _boys _are girlier than you."

"Um, if that will be all," the receptionist cut in, "I think you might be holding up the line." He pointed at the large conglomeration of people standing in line behind the four of them, all of whom were staring at Adeleine with some interest.

"Hey, I gave her money!" somebody piped up.

"Uh, okay, guys, you heard the man. Let's go," Kirby said, ushering his friends out while turning (if possible) a deeper shade of pink.

"Well, that's that," Waddle Dee said as soon as they were all outside. "Ribbon's gone for three days."

"Yep," Kirby agreed. "We get to do whatever we want while she gets her own comfy bed, three square meals a day, all-day pool access, cable, room service. . . ."

There was a very long silence.

"I wanna stay at the hotel too!" Adeleine wailed.

"So do I!" Kirby cried.

"Guys!" snapped Waddle Dee, who was generally the most rational of the four of them. "We can't _all _stay here! That's another twenty-eight hundred dollars!"

"Which should be nooooo problem," Kirby said, casting another sly grin at Adeleine.

-----

In the same place she had been before, Adeleine was standing with her art supplies out and her "PLEASE GIVE" sign, which now had "4X WHAT YOU NORMALLY WOULD" scrawled onto the bottom. The pile of money in front of her was even bigger, and Kirby, Waddle Dee, and King Dedede were doing an even worse job of not laughing.

"The _LAST TIME!_" Adeleine shouted at them.

-----

The hotel receptionist was filing papers and humming to himself when he noticed out of the corner of his eye that there were people standing in front of the desk. He turned around and was very startled to recognize Kirby and the others.

"Uh. . . weren't you all just here?"

"We were dropping our friend off," said Kirby. "But now we're all staying here too."

"Oh." It would have been a lie to say that the receptionist looked pleased at this news. "Wait a minute. You're telling me that _you_ guys came up with $2800?"

"Yep, right in here," said King Dedede, who was struggling to pull a very large sack of money along behind him. "We weren't exactly sure where to put this, since the postal service has a problem with it for some reason."

"It wouldn't fit in the mailbox," Kirby reminded him.

"Well, then, maybe they should make the freaking mailboxes bigger."

"Excuse me?" the receptionist cut in. "Is that three grand in _loose change?_"

"That okay?" Kirby asked.

"How did you get all that money?"

"We didn't steal it out of an ATM, if that's what you're suggesting," Adeleine said sharply. "That's what you're suggesting, isn't it? You think we're larcenists, don't you?"

"No, I didn't. . . ."

"Don't lie to me, man!" Adeleine stormed up to him and started jabbing a finger into his chest. "You think we're low-down thieving scumbags! Well let me tell you something, pal, you've got the wrong idea, and you'd better – hey! A butterfly!"

Instantly forgetting what she had been doing, Adeleine started running after the butterfly, positively squealing in delight, scampering all around the foyer until she finally crashed into a wall and collapsed onto the floor.

"Is she _always _like that?" the receptionist asked guardedly.

"Pretty much," said Waddle Dee.

"In that case, you might want to keep her away from the ice sculptures."

-----

In front of a very large pool, jam-packed with people swimming, playing, and splashing each other, Ribbon was sitting on a beach chair, hugging her arms to her chest, looking very unhappy.

"Something the matter?" asked a Bouncy who was sitting next to her.

"My friends basically tricked me into coming here," Ribbon said irritably. "I have a feeling they wanted to get rid of me,"

"Well, _that _was a pretty nice trick," said the Bouncy. "I mean, have you had a look around this place? It's fantastic! It's the fanciest hotel for miles!"

"I believe it," Ribbon acknowledged. "But fancy isn't really my thing."

"Aw, c'mon. You'll love it here, I guarantee it."

"Hmm. . . ." Ribbon sat gazing pensively out at the pool. "It is pretty nice here. And I guess it'll be pretty relaxing to get away from the guys for a little while. . . ."

"HI, RIBBON!" came an unnecessarily loud voice from across the pool deck. "IT'S US! WE'RE STAYING HERE TOO! DID YOU MISS US?"

"Oh, mercy. . . ." It was Adeleine, jumping up and down and waving her arms wildly. The other guys were with her as well, all waving and smiling amiably.

Ribbon sighed deeply and collapsed into her chair. "There goes my weekend."


	4. Settling In

All right, I understand that the last chapter was a little short. So, my loyal readers (all three or four of you), _this _one will be extra long! With more of that slapstick humor you either love or are getting really sick of!

-----

"Guys, I want you to be completely honest with me," said Ribbon. She and the others were all sitting in the plaza outside the pool. "When you got me the weekend here, did you do it for me, or yourselves?"

"Ourselves," Adeleine replied without missing a beat.

Ribbon sighed and rested her head in her hand. "What I meant was, be honest, but be _tactful _about it."

"Uh. . . I don't know what tactful means," Adeleine confessed.

"Yeah, it shows."

"But Ribbon, you gotta understand we were thinking of you too," Kirby cut in. "Well, a little bit, anyway. I mean, you work so hard, day in and day out. Just this once, you should stop thinking about Crystal Shards and start focusing on having fun a little."

Ribbon just shook her head. "Kirby, I can't do that. With everything we know that's going on with Dark Matter and Ripple Star, I can't just _stay _here."

"Yeah, we know. That's why we tethered you to Dedede."

"This is what I get for losing a bet," the king muttered, tugging halfheartedly at the cord that was tied to his wrist at on end and Ribbon's on the other.

"Kirby, this is cutting off my circulation," Ribbon whined.

"And so it shall until we prove to you that it's okay to take a weekend off once in a while," Kirby declared.

"Seriously, my hand's turning purple."

"Okay, then, let's get started!"

-----

And so Kirby and the others began leading Ribbon around the hotel, trying to find something that she would enjoy.

"Look, Ribbon, there's a video arcade over there," said Kirby. "Wanna go play some games?"

"No."

"Wanna get some lunch at the restaurant?" said Waddle Dee.

"No."

"Wanna go throw eggs at those rich people?" said Adeleine.

"_No!_"

"Geez, Ribbon, did you have _any _friends on Ripple Star?" Kirby asked. "Well, _we're _all hungry. We'll just be over grabbing a sandwich or something. Feel free to join us when you're ready to stop being a loser."

"Hey! Take me with you!" King Dedede pleaded, pulling desperately at the tether, but Ribbon would not be moved, and the others had already left.

"Pull harder! I want out of this getup too!" Ribbon snapped.

Dedede looked like he wanted to, but then stopped. "Wait a minute. . . no way! This thing's not coming off!"

"Why not?"

"'Cause then_ you'll_ just leave, and_ I'll_ never hear the end of it."

"Come on, do it. I won't tell Kirby."

"Well, he'll kind of figure it out when he notices we're not _tied _to each other anymore!"

"Ooh, yeah, good point." Ribbon thought for a moment. "Well, I guess we'd better go after them. If I don't see you guys for over fifteen seconds, it usually means you're getting in trouble."

"Come on, Ribbon, what could have happened in fifteen seconds?"

-----

"What do you mean_ WADDLE DEE ENTERED A DRINKING CONTEST?_"

"Ribbon, relax, he's underage," said Kirby. "This is _root _beer."

They were in the restaurant, and Waddle Dee was sitting at a table across from a particularly nasty-looking Bronto Burt. Both of them had several frothy mugs of root beer in front of them and were glaring fiercely at each other. There was a very large crowd of people gathered around them, most of them chatting excitedly or cheering for one competitor or the other..

"I'm betting on the pink guy. That little brown dude looks like a wimp," said Adeleine.

"Ad, you're talking about Waddle Dee! And you're supposed to be _supporting _him!" Kirby said sharply.

"Well, I want to cover my bases."

"On your marks. . . get set. . . GO!" shouted the bartender.

The crowd erupted into excited roars as the two competitors snatched up their first mug, each downing it instantaneously, throwing it aside, and grabbing another one. The bartender scrambled to fill up mug after mug and slam it on the table, only to have it gulped down within seconds. Dozens upon dozens of mugs were emptied and discarded. Finally, after at least five full minutes, the Bronto Burt started looking queasy. He tried to finish the root beer in front of him, but by now he was barely able to sit up. Finally he just tipped over off the chair and fell onto the floor, groaning rather loudly.

"_Uh _oh," said Kirby, getting up on a chair to get a better look. "Looks like he got non-alcoholic alcohol poisoning."

"YAY! I WON!" Waddle Dee cheered, leaping up onto the table and waving his fists over his head. Kirby, Adeleine, King Dedede, and half of the crowd all whistled and cheered right along with him, whereas Ribbon looked like she would have rather been anywhere else at that moment.

"Congratulations. That'll be two hundred and eighteen dollars," said the bartender, handing the bill to Waddle Dee.

"Uh. . . yeah. . . that goes to my totally rich friend King Dedede."

"Who totally left all his money back on _Pop Star_," Dedede reminded him.

"Sorry! Can't hear you! Gotta go pee!" Waddle Dee called over his shoulder as he ran off toward the nearest restroom.

"I can't believe him!" Ribbon exclaimed as the crowd began to disperse. "I thought Waddle Dee of all people was _smarter _than that! Doesn't he know how dangerous drinking contests are?"

"Hey, he _won_, didn't he?" Kirby said good-naturedly. "Oh yeah, you owe me twenty bucks, Ad."

"Dammit! I thought for sure he was going down after that thirtieth one!" Adeleine said angrily, reluctantly handing Kirby a bill.

"You were _betting _on him? You're all as bad as he is!" Ribbon cried, making such an angry gesticulation as she did so that she yanked on the tether and caused King Dedede to slap himself in the face.

"Hey, that was funny! Do that again, Ribbon!" Kirby laughed.

"No way. I don't care what you guys want, I'm getting out of here _now_, and – "

"Ribbon? Hey!" came a voice from behind them. "Are those your friends you were talking about?"

Ribbon and the others turned around as the Bouncy came. . . well. . . bouncing. . . up to meet them.

"Oh, yeah," said Ribbon. "Guys, this is Celia."

"Hey," said Kirby.

"Yo," said Adeleine.

"Pleasure," said Dedede.

"Nice to meet you guys. Wow, Ribbon, I've been looking all over for you. There's some big news going around, and. . . uh. . . why are you tied to that penguin?"

"I'd reeeeeally rather not go into it," Ribbon muttered.

"Well, anyway, everybody's getting excited. It turns out that the _owner _of this place is paying a visit this weekend, and he just arrived."

"The owner?" Kirby repeated.

"Yeah, didn't you know? This is a privately owned and operated hotel," said Celia. "If it belonged to a big chain, I'm sure they wouldn't get away with nearly as many health code violations."

Everybody (except Ribbon, of course) snickered at that.

"I'm not joking! You know, there are rumors floating around that this place has. . . ."

She didn't get to finish, because at that very moment, the various people standing around suddenly exploded into astonished and excited muttering. The crowd started parting to make way for someone.

"That's him!" Celia exclaimed.

"Hello, hello, everyone," came a voice from in the crowd. "Just thought I'd drop by for the weekend. Don't mind me, I'm just visiting – HEY! What are you doing? I just had that dry-cleaned!"

Out of the crowd staggered a middle-aged man of short stature and indeterminate species. He looked like he could have been human, but anyone looking at him would have agreed that Adeleine did a much better job of pulling off the look. He was extremely pale, balding, and wasn't exactly skinny, either.

"_Wow! _You need to work out, man!" Adeleine remarked upon seeing him. "And get a tan! And incidentally, I saw this really nice toupee place on the way here – "

"Hey! Show a little respect!" Celia snapped at her. "Ribbon, I don't have arms. Smack her for me."

"With pleasure."

The man chuckled. "No, no, it's fine. I don't mind. No need to smack anybody."

"Good! If I get smacked any more today, I'm going to get brain damage!"

"Like you don't have _that _already," Ribbon muttered.

"Ribbon, and friends of Ribbon," Celia said cordially, "This is Horatio Q. Browning, the owner. He's famous around here. A stunning entrepreneur."

"I hope you're all enjoying yourselves," said Browning. "I worked hard on this place, after all, and I want to make sure that everyone has fun."

"Ribbon's not," Kirby said accusingly. "She's been doing nothing but complain since we got here."

"Would you _shut up?_" Ribbon hissed, making to smack Kirby, but in the process yanking on the tether and making Dedede slap himself again.

"Ribbon, cut that out," he pleaded.

"You can't make me! _I'm _in charge here!" Ribbon snapped at him, making him slap himself several more times out of spite.

"Excuse me, miss," Browning cut in, "but sado-masochism is strictly forbidden here."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS!" Ribbon and Dedede shouted together.

"I know, I know. Denial is a natural thing," said Browning. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to be off. I've got the whole place to inspect, and frankly, you people are freaking me out."

"We do have that effect on people," Kirby agreed as the owner left.

"Well, _that _went fabulously," Ribbon said hotly. "Now he thinks we're freaks!"

"But Ribbon, we _are _freaks," Adeleine reminded her. "You tell us that every ten minutes."

"But _other _people don't have to know!"

"Hey, Celia," Kirby said quickly, trying to prevent another argument fom breaking out, "what were you saying before he showed up? Some kind of health code violation?"

"Oh, yeah! Well, I don't know this for a fact, but rumor has it that this place has. . . ."

Everyone drew in expectantly.

"A rodent problem."

"A _rodent _problem?" Adeleine repeated. "Is that _it?_ The way you were talking I thought it was something cool, like a meth lab!"

"What kind of rodents?" Kirby asked.

"I don't know. Nobody's ever seen them, but we hear scuffling inside the walls and things. I suppose it could be rats."

"Aw, there are no rats around here," said Dedede.

At that very moment, Waddle Dee happened to walk out of the bathroom.

"Hey guys! What'd I miss?"

Celia took one look at him and freaked out.

"AAAAAH! GIANT TALKING RAT!" she screamed. "IT WAS RATS! I KNEW IT! QUICK, EVERYBODY, KILL IT! KILL IT!"

Before Ribbon and the others could do anything, everyone else within a hundred-foot radius starting roaring angrily, grabbed the nearest blunt object they could find, ran at Waddle Dee, and started savagely beating him up.

"Waddle Dee!" Adeleine cried, running toward him but unable to get close due to the large number of people surrounding him. She turned back to the others. "Somebody help him!"

"Don't worry! I've got an idea!" Kirby shouted back. He grabbed a chair from the nearest table, climbed on top of it, took a deep breath, and at the top of his lungs, shouted:

"FREE COFFEE!"

Instantaneously, everyone in the crowd started cheering loudly, forgot all about the talking rat, threw their beating objects away, and scrambled into the restaurant. Kirby leapt of the chair just in time to avoid being swallowed up by the crowd and dashed forward to where the others were all gathered around Waddle Dee.

"Are you okay, Waddle Dee?" Adeleine asked worriedly.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine," Waddle Dee replied, albeit weakly. "Just give me a sec until the feeling comes back in my body."

"Kirby, that was an awesome distraction!" Dedede exclaimed. "How'd you know that would work?"

Kirby shrugged and smiled. "That's how _all _adults are. Didn't you know?"


	5. We've Had a Breakthrough

Hey! I'm now up to nine reviews! That's almost TEN! Also, I think my dumb computer is finally letting me write my own reviews! YAAAAAAAY!

-----

"Why is it," Waddle Dee bemoaned as Adeleine administered an ice pack to his head, "that I can't go _anywhere _without being mistaken for something that might carry the plague?"

Everyone was sitting on the oversized, overstuffed bed in Kirby and Ribbon's hotel room.

"Well, you do kinda look like a rat," said Adeleine. "I mean, you've got the whole beady-eyed, ugly thing down."

"What? I'm not ugly! I'm ADORABLE! Way more so than any of you!"

"Dude, you talk without a mouth. That's not adorable, that's freaky."

"Hey! You wanna take this outside?"

"Come on, Waddle Dee, it could have been worse for you," said Kirby. "You remember when we went to the aquarium and they thought Dedede had gotten loose from one of the exhibits?"

"And they got him in that cage and tried to feed him fish heads?" Adeleine chimed in. "That was the funniest thing ever!"

"But did you have to get _pictures _of it?" Dedede asked grudgingly.

"Well, duh. Wouldn't you have?"

"Well, guys, I hope _this _has convinced you that this whole hotel thing was a big mistake," Ribbon spoke up. "Not only is it a complete waste of a weekend, but now people are getting beaten up – people _besides_ Adeleine!"

"You know, Ribbon, to be fair, _you're _the one who beats me up most of the time."

"Quit trying to disprove my point! We're leaving _now. _And that's final."

"Ribbon, _no!_" everyone pleaded.

"Can't we put this to a vote?" Kirby asked.

"Fine. But my vote counts for five."

"Ribbon, _please. _We're all exhausted and we need a few days off!"

"Plus, I don't think Waddle Dee's in any condition to go anywhere," Adeleine added.

"Oww. . . my spleen hurts," Waddle Dee moaned.

"Maybe it would help if you took a warm bath, Waddle Dee," Kirby suggested.

Ribbon was already halfway to the door (dragging Dedede along with her), when she stopped dead and turned around.

"They. . . have. . . bathtubs here?" she said softly.

"Well, yeah, of course," Kirby replied. Then, with a jolt, he realized he might have just made a breakthrough. "And they have these cool little soaps and miniaturized shampoo bottles! And shower curtains!" he went on.

A very longing look crossed Ribbon's face, when suddenly she snapped out of it. "Wait! No! I know what you're trying to do! We're not staying here a minute longer!"

"Come on, Ribbon, you know you want to," Kirby persisted. "You remember when your hair used to be pink? It'll be that way again once you wash all the dirt out!"

"Plus, you'll be able to wash with _soap _for once!" Adeleine joined in.

Ribbon looked unsure what to do, glancing back and forth from the bathroom to the door for a long time. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she sighed in defeat.

"Well. . . maybe just a quick little bath."

"Uh, how about we take this thing off first?" Dedede said quickly, tugging at the tether.

"Oh, yeah, right," Ribbon agreed, and the two of them pulled it off before Ribbon slowly headed into the bathroom.

The instant she had closed the door behind her, everyone else exploded into cheering.

"You _did _it, Kirby, you _did _it!" Waddle Dee exclaimed, giving the pink puffball a big hug.

"Hey, what can I say? Personal hygiene: the surest way to a female's heart."

"Well, most females', anyway," said Waddle Dee, gesturing at Adeleine, who was busy cleaning her ear out with her finger.

-----

As soon as Ribbon came out of the bathroom, it was apparent that there was something different about her.

"Dude, what's wrong with her face?" Adeleine whispered to Waddle Dee.

"I think she's _smiling_."

"Ribbon knows how to _smile? _Where have _I _been?"

"Actually, I didn't know that either," said Waddle Dee. "Ribbon, you look like you enjoyed that."

"That felt _great!_" Ribbon exclaimed, twirling around with glee. "That was the most fun I've ever had since. . . I can't even remember! I'm gonna go take another one!" And she dashed back toward the bathroom.

"Ribbon, hold it!" Kirby intercepted her at the door. "You can't use up all the hot water like that!"

"Yeah! I'm makin' ramen tonight!" said Waddle Dee.

"And I was gonna throw a bucket of water on Adeleine the next time she walked under the window!" said Dedede.

"Now, see, that's why Waddle Dee's my best friend and not you," Adeleine told him.

"Guys, we can't do any of that stuff anyway. Ribbon said we have to leave," Kirby reminded the other three while surreptitiously winking at them.

"Well. . . ." Ribbon seemed to be debating the matter in her head. "Maybe we don't have to leave _right _now. . . is everything else here as much fun as taking a bath?"

"Well, actually, most of it is supposed to be a lot _more _fun."

"Really?" Ribbon looked delighted. "Like what?"

"Well, for starters, there's all that stuff you didn't want to do this morning."

"Hot dog! We've _gotta _do all of that! Let's go!"

"Uh oh. I smell a montage," said Waddle Dee.

-----

For the next few hours Ribbon led the others all around the hotel, desperate to cover every square inch of it. No one had ever seen her self-indulge so much. She did everything from getting a lengthy massage by the pool deck to raiding the ice cream parlor and making a sundae nearly as tall as she was. After visiting the exercise room, the sauna, the restaurant, and the TV room in under ten minutes, everyone else was exhausted, but Ribbon was getting more and more into it.

"What did you _do _to her?" Celia asked incredulously as she watched Ribbon furiously pounding on the buttons of one of the games in the arcade while downing a cherry soda.

"Well, really it defies explanation," Kirby said. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you.."

"She's on drugs, isn't she."

"_No! _We wouldn't do that to Ribbon! Besides, Adeleine's the druggie."

"I AM NOT! Stop saying that!"

"Ad, we all know you're lying. I mean, there's nothing else that could make you act as crazy as you do."

"I don't act crazy!"

"Yes you do!"

"That's it! You've insulted my honor! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DANCE-OFF!" Adeleine screamed, striking the most intimidating flamenco pose she could. Kirby was rather speechless.

"Seriously, though, shouldn't she be on meds or something?" Celia asked Waddle Dee and Dedede, both of whom looked equally stunned.

"I've been asking that since the day I met her," Waddle Dee replied.

-----

That evening, everyone at the hotel was down at the beach on which the hotel was situated. The trees were strung with lights, and there was a live band playing some tunes as everyone in the congregation danced or chatted with each other. Kirby and Ribbon quickly found themselves sitting side by side, gazing out at the sunset over the ocean.

After a while, Ribbon turned to look at her friend. "Do you want to dance, Kirby?" she asked.

"Ugh, I dunno, Ribbon. If we do any more Sweatin' to the Oldies I think I'll throw out my back."

"No, I mean, do you want to dance right here? With me?"

"Oh!" Kirby looked surprised at the request. This was the first time a girl had ever asked him to dance. He wasn't sure how to answer.

"Don't worry about anyone taking embarrassing photos of us," Ribbon reassured him. "I hid Ad's camera."

"_Dammit, where's my camera?_ I think Kirby and Ribbon are about to slow dance!" came a voice from somewhere in the crowd.

Kirby broke out into a smile. "Well, okay, why not?" he agreed. He and Ribbon got to their feet, took each other's hands, and started swaying back and forth to the light jazz music in the background.

"So, Kirby, is this pretty much how life is for you?" Ribbon asked after a moment of silence.

"How d'you mean?"

"You know. You're always so happy and so relaxed. Nothing ever gets to you. This is the first time I've ever felt like this, but is this just how you feel every day? With no worries in the world?"

"Well, yeah, I guess."

Ribbon shook her head in amazement. "Doesn't _anything _ever worry you? Don't you ever think about what will happen if we can't find all the Crystal Shards, or if the next time we have to fight Dark Matter we won't win?"

"Nope, not really."

"Why not?"

"Because _you're _here, Ribbon."

Ribbon immediately stopped dancing and dropped her hands. "Are you coming on to me?"

"What? _No!_"

"Yes you were!" Ribbon shot accusingly at him. "You were totally coming on to me!"

"I _was not! _Ribbon, I just meant that I think you're a great leader and I don't worry about that stuff because I know you'll be able to get us through anything that comes up."

"Oh. Okay," Ribbon said, apparently satisfied with that explanation.

"I think you're a good friend, too," Kirby felt compelled to add.

"Wow, gee, thanks," Ribbon remarked. For a moment they just stood there, smiling a little awkwardly at each other.

"Seriously, though, you were coming on to me."

"NO I WAS NOT! _Geez, _Ribbon, you're not even that cute!"

A little ways away, the other three were also hanging out together.

"Boy, this is great, isn't it?" said Adeleine. "I love dances!"

"I know! Jazz is my second favorite music genre!" Waddle Dee agreed as he danced enthusiastically around. "Right under gangsta rap!"

"Yeah, but the cocktails leave something to be desired," said Dedede, holding what looked like a drink.

"Dedede, that's the fingerbowl," said Waddle Dee.

If anyone present had ever wanted to hear Dedede scream like a little girl, they were quickly satisfied.

"I ALREADY HAD FIVE OF THOSE!" he wailed. "SOMEBODY GET A MEDIC! I THINK I'M DYING!"

"How 'bout I punch you in the stomach until you puke it back up?" Adeleine suggested.

"Okay, go for it!"

(This might be a good time to cut back to Kirby and Ribbon.)

"Kirby, I really ought to thank you," said Ribbon. "I'm sorry I was angry today. You guys really did me a favor. This has been one of the best days of my life."

"Hey, no problem," Kirby replied cheerfully, when suddenly he noticed something going on behind Ribbon. "Hey, why is Ad slugging Dedede in the stomach like that? And why does he seem to be telling her to keep doing it?"

"You know what, I don't even care. I'm already relaxed. Let's not ruin it."


	6. Midnight Musings

WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY REVIEW CHAPTER 5? You ingrates! I give you free entertainment and this is how you repay me? Well, fine! You can't read my story anymore! (Shoos away) Go on, go! Just hit the back button and go away right now!

(Pauses, reconsiders)

WAIT! I CHANGED MY MIND! Don't go! Please, I'm lonely! Just be sure to REVIEW this time! I promise, this chapter is good! I cracked up while writing it!

-----

Waddle Dee and Adeleine were sharing a hotel room. As night fell, both of them walked into the room, Adeleine pulled on a pair of pajamas, and they each climbed into one of the two huge, fluffy beds.

"'Night, Waddle Dee."

"'Night, Ad."

Both of them lay in silence for a long moment.

"Are you still awake, Waddle?"

"Yes."

Another few minutes.

"Still awake?"

"Yes."

A few more minutes.

"Still awake?"

"Yes."

This went on for about an hour.

"Still awake?"

"YES! BECAUSE YOU'RE KEEPING ME UP! And if you ask me one more time I'm gonna _make _you fall asleep, if you know what I mean!"

"Sorry! It's just. . . I dunno. . . I'm sleepy, but I just can't fall asleep. Something doesn't feel right."

Waddle Dee sat up. "It's okay. Actually. . . I kinda feel that way too. I can't fall asleep either."

Adeleine pondered this. "Maybe a few shots of tequila would help."

"Yeah! Wait. . . we're kids, Ad. Is that legal?"

"Hey, we're saving the universe, remember? We're above the law."

"I seem to recall you saying that exact same thing right before we sicced those rabid squirrels on that old guy. . . and then got arrested."

"Well, that was really more for entertainment value than saving the universe."

"What? You told me he was going into diabetic shock and that was the only thing that could save him!"

"Yeah, I lied. . . anyway, let's go."

-----

The door to Waddle Dee and Adeleine's room creaked open, and the two of them tiptoed out as quietly as they possibly could.

"Remember, Ad, people are sleeping," Waddle Dee whispered. "So don't make any noise."

"Got it."

The two of them walked ever so softly down the hall, making absolutely no sound. With Adeleine in the lead, they reached the end of the hallway, turned the corner. . .

. . . and bumped right into Dedede.

"AAAAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAHHH!" Adeleine screamed before the combined efforts of Waddle Dee and Dedede managed to shut her up.

"Sorry," she whispered. "You startled me. How come you're up?"

"Well. . . I. . . actually, I couldn't sleep," Dedede confessed.

"Really? You either?" said Waddle Dee. "We're having the same problem."

"But can't think of why," Adeleine continued. "So we thought maybe we'd figure it out if we went and improved our thinking and judgment with some alcohol."

"That sounds. . . logical."

So they all three walked into the little bar that happened to be located on their floor. Waddle Dee seemed especially anxious to get there, and Adeleine and Dedede quickly found out why. As the two of them grabbed a table, they noticed Waddle Dee rush up to the counter and hastily order something. He sat on one of the bar stools until the bartender slammed a big, frothy mug down next to him.

"Hey. . . ." Adeleine strained to see what was in the mug. "Is that _root beer? _Didn't he have enough of that today?"

"I think he had a bunch at the dance, too," said Dedede, raising an eyebrow.

"Hmm. . . this requires further investigation," Adeleine decided. She got up and walked over to where Waddle Dee was sitting and gulping down the mug.

"Uh. . . Waddle Dee. . .?"

"WHAT ADDICTION?" Waddle Dee screamed, hugging the mug tightly to his chest.

"Uh, I wasn't going to say anything about an addiction. But that does look suspiciously like what this is."

"I do _not _have an addiction!" Waddle Dee shot at her. "I can stop the injections whenever I want."

"Oh, my goodness. . . Waddle Dee, I think you need some professional help."

"Shut up! Jimmy told me you would say that."

Adeleine blinked. "Who's _Jimmy?_"

"_This _is Jimmy," said Waddle Dee, hugging his mug even closer. "He told me you would try to betray me like this. Jimmy is the only one I can trust. Isn't that right, Jimmy?" He started stroking the mug affectionately. "You're the only friend I have, Jimmy."

Adeleine's expression at this point can only be described as "O.o".

"Waddle Dee. . . I think you should put that thing down and come back to the table now."

"What's that, Jimmy? I should stab her in her sleep? The knives are next to the fridge?"

"Uh. . . I'll be right back," said Adeleine, running back to the table as quickly as was physically possible.

"What's the problem?" asked Dedede.

"He and his root beer are _plotting to kill me,_" Adeleine replied in a dead serious tone of voice.

"Wow. You know, I kept telling you your crazy was going to rub off on him one day."

"Dedede! We have to get him away from there!"

"Okay, but how?"

As it turned out, neither of them had to come up with that idea. The bar also had a small karaoke stage off in a corner, and the bartender had just walked onto it, holding a microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm happy to announce that we have a very special musical guest tonight," he said. "She came here all the way from Earth, which, by the way, is another planet."

"Big deal. We're from another planet too," said Adeleine.

"Hey guys, what's going on over here?" asked Waddle Dee, walking over and holding "Jimmy".

"On her planet, she is famous as everyone's favorite obnoxious blonde teen celebrity."

"Wait. . . ." Waddle Dee's eyes bulged in horror. "This isn't who I _think _it is, is it?"

"Ladies and gentlemen. . . HILARY DUFF!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Waddle Dee screamed. "WHY, GOD, WHY?"

"Hey, guys!" said Hilary. "I got kicked off my home planet 'cause they finally found out that I suck. So I'm hoping to make a living here!"

The music started. "So whyyyyyy not, take a crazy chance? Whyyyyyy not, do a crazy dance?"

"Singing. . . too horrible. . . must end own life. . . ." Waddle Dee choked out.

"Can't you make her stop with that hammer of yours?" Adeleine pleaded Dedede, her hands over her ears.

"No! I can't just go beating people up like that! I'll be riddled with guilt for the rest of my life!"

"I'll give you ten bucks."

"Well, okay then. DIE, YOU FIEND!" Dedede screamed as he ran onto the stage and started smashing the evil actress/singer with his hammer until she stopped twitching.

"Uh. . . I think we're going to have to reschedule," said the bartender.

"Nice job, Dedede," said Adeleine. "Hey, where'd Waddle Dee go?"

"Oh, your little friend jumped out the window when she started singing," replied the bartender.

"WADDLE DEE! NOOOOOOOO!" Adeleine cried as she ran to the window and dived headfirst out the Waddle Dee-shaped hole after him.

"Ad! Wait! Come back!" Dedede shouted. He was a little smarter and, rather than jumping out the window, scrambled down the stairs and kicked the door of the hotel open, frantically looking around and expecting to find two dead people on the ground.

"Adeleine? Waddle – hey, wait a sec!"

Waddle Dee and Adeleine were sitting on the beach together, chatting casually and looking perfectly fine. Waddle Dee noticed Dedede and waved him over.

"Hey, Dedede! What took you?"

"Uh. . . didn't you guys get _hurt?_"

"_Oh _yeah," Waddle Dee assured him as Adeleine nodded fervently. "Really bad."

"Oh. . . okay, then."

"Guys? Is that you?" came a familiar voice. Everyone turned around. It was Kirby.

"Hi Kirby!" said Adeleine. "Fancy seeing you out here. What's up?"

"Well, I was just sitting over there and minding my own business when I noticed Waddle Dee was flying out of a tenth-story window. . . so I thought I should probably go check that out."

"I was kind of in a hurry to get out," Waddle Dee said apologetically.

"I'll say," said Adeleine. "You left your root beer."

"JIMMY! NOOOO! WAIT FOR ME!"

"Who's _Jimmy?_" Kirby and Dedede asked at the same time.

"I'll explain later," Adeleine replied, eager to change the subject. "But Kirby, what were you doing out here in the first place?"

"Let me guess -- you couldn't sleep," said Waddle Dee.

"Yeah, that's right. Couldn't you guys either?"

"Nope. And we've got no idea why."

"Well, I think I do," Kirby said as he walked over and sat down next to the others. "I was thinking about it, and, well. . . doesn't this place seem _too _nice?"

The other three all exchanged blank looks.

"You know. . . we're not used to this kind of luxury. I mean, we've all been traveling around for a while now,.and we don't exactly get a lot of stuff. It's all sleeping under the stars and eating whatever Adeleine manages to paint."

"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about your swiss cake rolls, Ad," said Dedede. "They're not that great."

"That's 'cause you're supposed to take the wrapper off first," Adeleine informed him.

". . .Of _course! _It's so simple!" Dedede exclaimed as he smacked himself in the forehead.

"_Anyway,_" Kirby went on impatiently, "we all came here 'cause we thought it was gonna be fun, but. . . it's just too much. We're so used to working for everything, landing in a fancy place like this just doesn't feel right."

"Ribbon obviously doesn't think so," said Waddle Dee, noting the absence of their leader.

"Yeah, where _is _your girlfriend, Kirby?" asked Adeleine.

"Ad! I thought we had already established that she's _not _my girlfriend!"

"Oh, come on, Kirby, we totally saw you dancing with her. And we saw you making out on top of the table where all the drinks were."

"_What?_"

"Wait. . . I may have made that last part up."

"I _hope _so," Waddle Dee said with a shudder.

Kirby sighed loudly. "Well, for your information, Ribbon isn't here because she already fell asleep."

"In one of those huge, overstuffed beds?" Waddle Dee remarked.

"That doesn't seem like her at all!" said Dedede. "I thought she hated fluffy softness!"

Kirby thought about that. "Well, I guess she is acting a little weird," he acknowledged. "But she's _happy! _She's relaxed! Isn't that what we wanted?"

"Yeah, but now _we're _not having fun," Adeleine pouted.

"And what happens the next time I get mistaken for something that people want to pummel?" Waddle Dee added.

"Oh, Waddle Dee, don't worry about _that,_" said Kirby. "I'm sure it was just a one-time thing."

At that very moment, two clueless and probably drunk teenagers were wandering down the beach when they noticed Waddle Dee.

"Hey! Look at that awesome ball over there!" said one.

"Cool! MIDNIGHT BEACH VOLLEYBALL!" shouted the other.

"Oh, sh – " was all Waddle Dee got out before he was swept up in a rush of dozens of cheering teenagers appearing out of nowhere as they ran down the beach and started a very impromptu, very violent match.

"YIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIiiiiiIIIII!" Waddle Dee screamed as he was spiked back and forth.

Adeleine sighed. "I'll get the ice pack."

"Don't worry, guys. We've still got two days left here," said Kirby. "I'm sure things will get better."

-----

Chapter the next: Things get worse.


	7. The Plot Increases in Viscosity

WOAH! That was a lot of reviews! I guess my desperate plea worked. . . anywho, thanks so much! I LOVE YOU GUYS! (hugs Eladard Kikur, Michael J.J, KirbyDjinn, Mav Tails, and Frisbeetarian while siccing rabid squirrels on everyone else)

-----

No sooner had the group hurriedly gone inside after the volleyball incident (so as to prevent Waddle Dee from getting any more potentially lethal injuries) than Kirby had come up with a brilliant idea to cure everyone of their insomnia. He raced into the bookstore on the ground floor and came out a few minutes later wielding a very thick book entitled _Taxes, Retirement, and You: Preparing Your 401(k)_. Then everyone went up to Waddle Dee and Adeleine's room and Kirby began reading it to the others. All four of them fell asleep within five minutes.

-----

Kirby was the last one awake the next morning, and by the time he got up everyone else was already gone. As he went downstairs, he noticed that very few people were inside the hotel. He glanced out one of the windows and was startled to see nearly everyone hanging out by the pool.

It was a gorgeous day and the sun was shining, but it was also very hot. Nonetheless, the pool itself was nearly empty; most people were lounging on the deck, sunbathing or sipping various beverages. Kirby was a little surprised; the previous day everyone had been racing around and playing games, but it seemed like no one had the energy to do anything today.

That was when he heard several familiar voices coming from the concession stand.

". . .So I was all like, 'What?' and he was all like, 'Yeah,' and I was all like, 'What?' and he was all like, 'Yeah,' and I was all like, 'What?' and he was. . . ."

"Ad, you lost me about five minutes ago."

"'Morning, guys!" Kirby said cheerfully as he walked over to where Waddle Dee, Adeleine, and Dedede were all gathered. "Isn't it a nice day out? We should all go swimming! Nobody's in the pool."

"Uh. . . I dunno. . . swimsuits don't really do me justice," said Dedede.

"Really?" Waddle Dee snickered. "I don't think I've ever seen you in one. . . ."

"OH! MAN! BAD IMAGERY!" Adeleine yelled as she started beating her head against the wall to get the very disturbing picture out of her mind.

"Whatever. . . it was just an idea," said Kirby. "Hey, where's Ribbon?"

"She's over there somewhere." Adeleine absent-mindedly waved in the direction of the pool. "And Kirby, she's being _impossible._ She's just laying around. We already tried talking to her, but she doesn't want to do anything."

"_What?_ Are you sure that was Ribbon you were talking to?"

Waddle Dee rolled his eyes. "Well, no, it could have been the _other _pink-haired fairy over there."

"There's _another _one?" Adeleine exclaimed excitedly, spinning around to look. Kirby, Waddle Dee, and Dedede all smacked themselves in the forehead at the same time.

"Anyway, Ribbon's not the only one, either," Waddle Dee went on as Adeleine ran off looking for the other fairy. "Pretty much _everybody _is acting like this. Just lounging around and being lazy."

"You don't think there's, like, mono going around, do you?" Kirby asked worriedly.

"If there is, I kinda wish Adeleine would get it," Dedede muttered.

"YOU LIARS! THERE'S NO OTHER FAIRIES AROUND HERE!" Adeleine shouted from the other end of the pool. "NOW I HAVE TO COME BACK OVER THERE AND EXACT MY VENGEANCE!"

"Well, once you're done with that, I'd like to go talk to Ribbon myself," Kirby called back. "Maybe she's not doing anything because she's not having any fun, like the rest of us."

"She _looked _pretty happy," said Waddle Dee.

"Oh, come on. Yesterday, maybe, but this place has gotten really old since then. And if _we're _not having fun, I can only imagine how little _Ribbon _must be enjoying this."

-----

"You can only imagine how much I'm enjoying this!" Ribbon exclaimed. She was laying on a beach towel by the pool, wearing a pair of sunglasses and holding a big smoothie. "I can't remember the last time I've had so much fun!"

"Oh. . . okay. . . ." said Kirby, very conscious of the triumphant "I told you so" looks he was getting from the other three. "I'd like to retract my previous statement."

"It's great that you're enjoying yourself, Ribbon," said Waddle Dee, "but. . . well, we were all talking, and. . . don't you think we ought to get going now?"

"WHAT?" Ribbon sat bolt upright. "Why would we do _that? _We get a whole weekend here!"

"Yeah, but, we do have a job to do, like you kept saying."

"Yeah. . . those Crystal Shards don't collect themselves, you know," said Adeleine, feigning enthusiasm.

"_Forget _that!" Ribbon said, sounding for all the world like a spoiled little kid. "This is the first time I've ever gotten to do anything like this, and I'm making the most of it! I'm staying all weekend!"

"Well, that's all fine and dandy for _you,_" said Kirby, starting to get impatient, "but none of _us _are having any fun here anymore. We all want to go."

"And when have I ever cared about what _you _guys want?"

"Touché," Adeleine remarked.

"Come on, Ribbon, _please?_" Waddle Dee implored. "Haven't you noticed how all of a sudden everyone's just laying around? Don't you kind of get a bad feeling about this place?"

"Wait a minute – I know what this is about!" Ribbon snapped. "You guys only want to leave because _I _like it here! When we first got here you all wanted to stay just because I didn't, and now that I'm having fun we suddenly have to go!" She glared accusingly at all of them. "You just like being at odds with me, don't you? Come _on, _guys, be more mature."

"I _am _mature!" Adeleine whined loudly, stomping her foot.

"Listen, guys, I'm tired of you always having to want the opposite of I want. You already got your way. Now I'm getting mine."

"Does that mean we're not leaving?" asked Dedede, sounding crestfallen.

"Of course we're not leaving, you big stupid penguin."

"And fat and ugly and smelly and mean and grumpy and – " Adeleine went on before Dedede cut her off with one of his trademark smacks upside the head.

"Would you stop making fun of me? I have feelings too, you know!"

"Yeah right. You've only got one feeling: blind fury."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Dedede shouted, blindly furious.

"Ribbon, isn't there _anything _we can do to convince you?" Kirby pleaded. "If I had knees, I'd be down on them right now!"

Ribbon just rolled her eyes. "Your poetry needs some work, Kirby. Now somebody get me a refill," she ordered, shaking the empty smoothie glass.

Kirby was incredulous. "Get one yourself! The smoothie stand is _three feet away!_"

"Hey, I didn't pay to _move _this weekend."

"You didn't _pay _for anything! We did!"

"More like, Adeleine's inability to land a paying job did."

"What? Oh, that _does _it!" Adeleine snapped, and was about to do something very regrettable to Ribbon before the other three grabbed her and dragged her away as she wildly kicked and swung at the air.

"Well, you see, Kirby?" she said once they were back on the other end of the pool and she had calmed down. "She won't listen to reason anymore! What are we supposed to do with her?"

"I'll beat her up if you give me another ten bucks," Dedede offered.

"Okay!" Adeleine agreed cheerfully and started digging around in her pockets for a bill.

"Guys! I somehow don't think beating up Ribbon is going to solve our problems," Kirby said sharply. "And furthermore, I. . . wait a minute. . . _another _ten bucks?" He narrowed his eyes at Dedede. "Did you beat up another celebrity last night?"

"It was _self-defense!_"

"Uh. . . guys. . . getting back to Ribbon?" said Waddle Dee.

"Oh, right. Sorry. Man, you guys were right!I just can't believe this would happen to _her!_" Kirby lamented. "She was always the soulless dictator who never let us do anything, but _now_ she's turned into some kind of pampered diva! AND I CAN'T TELL WHICH VERSION OF HER I HATE MORE!"

"I know what you mean!" said Waddle Dee. "I mean, she doesn't even care about the Crystal anymore! What in the world has gotten into her?"

"Oh come on, isn't it obvious?" Adeleine cried, clutching her head in panic. "Ribbon's had her brain wiped by ALIENS!"

"Right. . . ." Dedede started scratching his head. "Except when you think about it, _we're _the aliens."

Adeleine threw up her arms. "Fine! Crap all over my theory!"

"Well, whatever's wrong with her, I'll bet you anything it's got something to do with this hotel!" said Kirby. "It's getting creepier by the minute. We've gotta get Ribbon out of here, and if we have to do it by force, we will."

"I'll drink to that," said Waddle Dee, emptying a 2-liter bottle of root beer in one gulp and smashing it against his forehead.

"_Where did you get that?_" Adeleine demanded. "I told you, no more root beer! You have a serious problem!"

"Yeah. She's got black hair, blue eyes, and her name is Adeleine."

"YOU FREAKING – !" Adeleine screamed, and within seconds the two of them were rolling around the ground in as violent a fistfight as a brown puffball and a little girl can get in.

"All riiiiiiiight! This'll be a shoo-in for Dreamland's Funniest Home Videos!" said Kirby, whipping out a random video camera.

"I honestly have no idea who they are," Dedede said to the several confused-looking people who were watching this spectacle.

-----

Ribbon was stretched out lethargically on her beach towel, basking in the sunlight, when suddenly a long shadow fell over her. Startled, she squinted through her sunglasses and realized someone was standing over her. She lifted the glasses off her eyes in irritation, expecting to see Kirby or one of the others, but it wasn't any of them. It was Browning.

"Oh. . . hello," she said.

"Sorry if I disturbed you. I'm just checking up on everyone. Are you having a good time?"

Ribbon smiled. "Oh yes, very much so."

"Glad to hear it," said Browning, throwing a sack over her.


	8. The Rodent Problem

Yayzers! I'm on a C2 thingy! Thank you Mirrorkirby3!

One thing before we start: This chapter is where the story gets kind of weird and less credible. My apologies if this ruins anyone's reading experience. But please don't let it stop you from reviewing!

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". . .and the next time you guys get into a fight like that," Kirby was saying as he and the others pushed open the hotel doors and walked back onto the pool deck, "you're buying your _own _antiseptic."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Waddle Dee and Adeleine muttered as they applied said antiseptic to their various injuries. Adeleine was so absorbed in it that she didn't look where she was going and bumped into Dedede, who had suddenly stopped dead. Along with Kirby and Waddle Dee.

"Hey! What's going – "

Adeleine looked up and saw what the other three were looking at.

"Hey, where's Ribbon?"

"Forget _Ribbon_," said Waddle Dee. "Where's _everybody?_"

The pool deck, which had been crawling with people when they had gone inside only a few minutes ago, was empty.

"Oh dear," said Adeleine.

"This can't possibly be a good thing," said Dedede.

"Ribbon?" Kirby called out, looking around in all directions. "Ribbon, where are you?"

All four of them immediately split up and searched all over for any sign of Ribbon, but she was nowhere to be found. Neither, for that matter, was anyone else.

"Everybody's _gone!_" Kirby cried once they had all met up again.

"Guys, I'm so freaked out," Waddle Dee whimpered. "I seriously think I'm going to lose control over one of my bodily functions."

"Well maybe if you didn't drink so much _root beer – _" Adeleine began sharply.

"Leave the root beer out of this!"

"Make me!"

"Guys, knock it off!" Dedede had to put an arm on each of them to keep them from leaping at each other again. "The last thing we need right now is you both fighting!"

"He started it!" said Adeleine, pointing accusingly at Waddle Dee.

"Oh yeah? Well, guess what? I NEVER LIKED YOUR ARTWORK!"

"I don't care – _Waddle Dork!_"

Kirby and Dedede gasped.

"Oh, that was low," Waddle Dee said darkly. "That was really low."

Kirby was desperate to end this argument before it got out of hand, and he quickly saw his chance.

"Guys, look!" he alerted, tugging on Adeleine's sleeve with one hand and pointing across the pool with the other. "_Not _everybody's gone! There's somebody coming!"

"It's Celia!" said Waddle Dee.

The little Bouncy was looking utterly frantic as she hopped all around the pool deck, looking for any signs of life. When she saw Kirby and the others, she bounded over to them as quickly as she could.

"Man, am I glad to see _you _guys!" she said. "But where's Ribbon?"

"We were just wondering that ourselves," Kirby said miserably.

"Kirby's really worried," said Adeleine. "See, he and Ribbon pretty much agreed to go steady last night."

"What? _We did not!_ Look, Ad, for the last time, she's NOT my GIRLFRIEND!"

"Isn't she?"

"No! She's not!"

"Oh, I get it. Then your feelings for her are unrequited."

"Yes. My – my _what?_"

"Oh, come on, it's obvious you at least have a crush on her."

"I do not!"

"Kirby has a crush on Ribbon!" Adeleine sang tauntingly. "Kirby has a crush on Ribbon!"

"I'LL CRUSH _YOU!_"

"Do I really have to do this again?" Dedede asked impatiently, putting an arm on Kirby before he could throw himself at Adeleine.

"Well, you guys are obviously all okay," Celia observed. "But none of you know where everybody went?"

"We've got no idea," said Waddle Dee. "Is there anybody left inside the hotel?"

"A few people, yeah. But I don't think they realize what's going on."

"Well, then," said Adeleine, "it seems that once again, the responsibility to solve the mystery and save the day has fallen to us. Man, I _never _get tired of this."

"Well, where are we going to look first?" asked Dedede, trying to ignore the fact that Kirby was gnawing on his arm.

"What do you think, Celia?" asked Waddle Dee. "You're the expert on this place."

"Well," Celia thought, "if they're somewhere in the hotel, the only place big enough to hold all of those people at once would have to be. . . the basement!"

"Okay! TO THE BASEMENT!" Kirby declared theatrically, then turned and ran toward the doors. Everyone followed him until he scrambled to a stop right in front of the hotel.

"Wait – I don't want to be inside with whatever just kidnapped all those people! Isn't that a little dangerous and/or stupid?"

"Hmm, good point. We should send someone expendable in first," said Celia. "You – the crazy one – Abercrombie!"

"_Adeleine!_"

"Whatever. You go and we'll follow."

Muttering very loudly to herself, Adeleine shoved her way past the others and stormed inside. The rest of them followed cautiously after her.

Inside it was nearly deserted, which made everyone even more nervous. The foyer was the only place that was still as crowded as it had been the day before, as all the people in line to check in glanced around in confusion, wondering where everyone was.

Celia led everyone past the foyer to a plain-looking door in the wall. "The basement isn't open to the public," she explained. "This is the only way down."

"But it's locked!" said Kirby. "We're gonna need some firepower to open it up."

"I'm on it!" said Adeleine as she grabbed her easel and started painting an atomic bomb.

"_Not THAT much firepower!_" Kirby screamed in panic.

Adeleine rolled her eyes. "There's no pleasing you."

"I'll take care of this," said Dedede. He walked up to the door and started swinging his hammer against it several times until it finally came free of its hinges and crashed to the floor. On the other side was a long staircase that descended into complete darkness.

"Uh. . . who wants to go first?" said Kirby after a moment of nervous silence.

"I think somebody had better stay up here and make sure we're not followed," said Waddle Dee.

"If it means I don't have to go down the creepy staircase, I'll do it," Adeleine offered quickly.

"No, I'll do it," said Celia. "After all, you guys are the main characters and I'm just an OC with little purpose except advancing the plot a little."

"What's she talking about?" Waddle Dee whispered to Kirby, who motioned him to be silent while he responded.

"Thanks, Celia. We'll be back up soon. At least, if we don't die."

"Wait – we might _die?_" said Adeleine. "Guys, are you sure you don't want another person to stay up here?" But Waddle Dee had already pushed her onto the stairs. Kirby and Dedede walked in after him, and all four of them descended into the darkness, Adeleine protesting all the way.

-----

They reached the bottom of the stairs after a few minutes, but only to find themselves walking down a seemingly endless hallway. Worse, the only light came from a few ceiling lights spaced every hundred feet or so, and it was almost impossible to see.

"Guys, we can't keep going like this," said Kirby. "We've gotta find some light, or else – "

He cut off abruptly. "Did you guys hear that?" he whispered.

"Hear what?" asked Waddle Dee.

"Listen! There it is again!"

Everyone listened. Sure enough, there was a barely audible sound that seemed to be coming out of the walls. It sounded like scuffling, or even pawsteps – coming from very large paws.

"That sounds like. . . ."

"A rodent problem. . . ."

Kirby swallowed hard. "I'm really scared now," he said quietly. "Dedede, would you hold my hand?"

"NO."

"Hey guys, I think I found a door!" Adeleine's disembodied voice came from several paces ahead of them. "And it's not locked!"

The other three quickly gathered behind her. "Just try not to be too obvious when you open it, Ad – "

Kirby was cut off as Adeleine loudly kicked the door open, causing it to slam against the wall, and then started waving her arms around in a series of karate poses while making what she hoped were threatening ninja sounds.

"Ad, do you have to do that _every time _we come to a door?" Kirby asked impatiently.

The four of them crowded into the room – and were completely unprepared for what they found. Kirby, Adeleine, and Dedede's mouths (and Waddle Dee's lack thereof) dropped open in shock.

The room they had just entered was huge, at least three hundred feet square. It did indeed look like a basement, since the walls were lined with stacks of discarded crates and cardboard boxes, but there was something else that was almost never found in a basement. Something alive.

"Holy cow!" cried Dedede. "It's an infestation!"

"An infestation of _what?_" Kirby asked frantically.

"Crazy purple aardvarks!" Adeleine screamed. "A _bunch _of them!"

Sure enough, there were hundreds of the strange purple critters crowded in the room, each one identical to the one that had attacked Adeleine. Some of them were perched on top of the boxes, some were preening off in the corners, but most of them were gathered in the large empty space in the middle of the room. Oddly enough, they were all lined up in very neat rows, and even more oddly, each one of them seemed to have someone pinned beneath them. The gang realized that each person was one of the missing hotel clientele, and they all looked unconscious. The most frightening thing of all, though, was that each aardvark had its nose latched onto its person's face, and was _sucking _at it.

And one of the aardvarks' victims, lying just a few yards away from Kirby and the others. . . .

"RIBBON!" Kirby cried.

"Are they _making out?_" Waddle Dee exclaimed in disgust.

"Kirby, she's cheating on you with an aardvark," said Adeleine.

"SHE'S NOT MY $&!#ING GIRLFRIEND!"

"And _those _aren't aardvarks!" came a voice from behind a stack of boxes. Kirby and the others whipped around and were astonished to recognize Browning stepping out.

"It's _that _guy!" Adeleine gasped. "That one guy. . . what's his name. . . I forget. . . ."

"_Horatio Q. Browning!_" he snapped.

"No, that's not it. . . ."

"Wait a minute – I know all of you!" Browning exclaimed. "You were those weirdos I ran into when I first got here! And _now _you've discovered my secret underground lair? Who _are _you people, anyway?"

"My name is Kirby," Kirby declared valiantly, "and _we_ are the Interplanetary Defenders of Awesometude!"

"I still don't think 'awesometude' is a word," Waddle Dee muttered.

"I DON'T CARE!" Kirby shouted before turning back to Browning. "Now what the heck are you doing to Ribbon?"

"What does it _look _like I'm doing?"

"I already said what it _looks _like," Waddle Dee said impatiently. "It _looks _like she's first-basing it with that aardvark over there."

"Well, number one, you're completely wrong, you dumbass. And number two, those are _not _aardvarks! They're extremely rare creatures called Bazui. It might help you understand if you know a little about them. First of all, they have spark power."

"We know that already," Adeleine said grudgingly.

"Well, I'll bet you don't know the other interesting thing about them. These little guys really are fascinating – they actually get their energy by _feeding off _people's hedonism. They eat it up like candy. So if they were to come across, say, a hotel, where everyone is stuffing themselves and lounging around in fancy beach chairs, what do you think they'd do?"

"Make reservations?" Dedede guessed.

"They'd _suck everyone dry_, that's what they'd do!" the hotel owner bellowed. "Which, obviously, gave me an idea. Why not open up a hotel right in the middle of the Bazui habitat, turn everyone who visits into a spoiled do-nothing, and then have these guys suck out all their lifeforce? The more they do, the more powerful their spark ability becomes! And I can use _that _to power the building, and use the excess electricity to power more televisions and insanely addictive video games! Then even more people will come, and the process starts all over again!"

Kirby could hardly believe what he was hearing. "But what happens to all the people you suck dry?"

"I don't know. They either die or become empty shells, I guess. I haven't really reached that point yet. But who cares about that? It's a self-fulfilling cycle, and it leaves me with wads of cash – without even having to pay an electric bill!"

"Wow! _I _should have thought of something like that!" Dedede exclaimed, to be greeted by three very angry glares from Kirby, Waddle Dee, and Adeleine.

"I mean. . . uh. . . forget I said anything."

"Right! Let Ribbon go right _now_, you homicidal maniac!" Kirby shouted at Browning.

But he just scoffed. "And what if I don't?"

"I'll give you an inferiority complex by mocking your obvious inability to get a girlfriend!"

"Kirby, I don't think we have time for that," Waddle Dee whispered.

"Fine. Then I'll just kick his ass."

"You really think you can do that?" Browning jeered. "You really think you can defeat _me_, when I have all this power? I'd like to see you try!"

"Are you _asking _for a fight?" Kirby demanded, throwing up his fists. "'Cause we'll take anything you can dish out! Right, Ad?"

"Uh. . . yeah, sure."

"Right, Dedede?"

"If it means getting to smash stuff, then I'm in."

"Right, Waddle Dee – WADDLE DEE!"

He had just turned around to find Waddle Dee sucking the root beer out of a keg that was being stored down there.

"Knock it _off_, Waddle!" Kirby shouted as he and the others rushed over and tried to pry him off of the keg. "Knock – it – _off!_"

"Okay, this is just getting embarrassing," said Browning. "Bazui, do me a favor and kill these guys, will you?"

That got everyone's attention. All four of them gasped and spun around in time to see each and every Bazui in the room stop what it was doing and turn an evil-looking glare on them. Then they all hopped down from where they were perched and started charging at our hapless heroes, faster and faster, sparks flying madly from their fur, until they were bearing down on the foursome in a massive wave of electricity-spewing death.

"Well, this sucks," said Kirby.


	9. Author's Note

**Author's Note: **I would like to let all my readers know that I am discontinuing this story. Sorry if you're disappointed, but it's really not working out the way I wanted it to and I'm not getting enough reviews, so I decided it's just not worth it. I will probably be taking it off the site soon.

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**JUST KIDDING!**

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-----

The first thing that Kirby did was to suck up one of the Bazui running at him and swallow it in one huge gulp. Instantly he got spark power and charged into the mass of purple with his electric force field surrounding him, sending the not-aardvarks flying in all directions.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Okay, Kirby's obviously having another power trip," said Waddle Dee. "I think we can sit this one out."

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Kirby had only been fighting for a moment before several Bazui forced their way past him and headed straight for the other three.

Kirby was normally the only one who did any fighting, but that didn't mean that his friends were completely helpless. Waddle Dee, easily the fastest one in the room, had a large group of Bazui chasing him around, but none were able to catch him and they very quickly got tired, leaving Waddle Dee able to subdue them with just a few blows each. Dedede had his hammer out and was mostly just swinging it blindly around, but it was doing the trick. And Adeleine. . . well, let's just say Adeleine had painted herself a machine gun and was having a little too much fun with it.

"YOU SHOT ME!" Dedede screamed. Adeleine also wasn't a very good aim.

"Ooh. Sorry about that."

As they continued to fight, the onslaught of Bazui gradually forced Waddle Dee and Adeleine backwards until they were standing next to each other.

"Hey!" Adeleine said once she noticed Waddle Dee. "I need to talk to you!"

"Right _now?_"

"_Yes, _right now! About you and your stupid addiction!"

"Look, I already told you, it's not an addiction!"

"Then why are you drinking out of that can of root beer right now?"

". . .SHUT UP!"

Adeleine grabbed the can and threw it away from him. "Look, Waddle Dee, this has really got to stop! It was mildly humorous at first, but if it prevents you from helping your friends, it's a problem! It's been driving us apart, and what's more, we're gonna get out butts kicked by a bunch of aardvarks if you don't snap out of it _right now!_"

Waddle Dee was silent for a moment, but his eyes were wide, as though he were realizing something astonishing.

"Oh my gosh. . . you're _right_, Ad!" he said.

"I am?" Adeleine sounded surprised.

"Yes, you are! I guess I just got so into substance abuse, I didn't even think about how it would affect the people I care about!" He looked imploringly up at her. "Can you ever forgive me?"

Adeleine started getting teary-eyed. "Oh, of _course _I can!" she gushed out. "I love you, Waddle Dee!"

"I love you too, Ad!"

They both threw their arms around each other and started sobbing hysterically.

"For Pete's sake, what _is _this, a friggin' Lifetime movie?" Kirby exclaimed. "We're in the middle of a _fight _here, people!"

"Right! I knew that!" Adeleine said quickly. She and Waddle Dee dove back into the fray alongside Dedede with renewed vigor, and before long it was obvious that the Bazui were losing the fight. Add that to with Kirby running around with his electric shield up and screaming like a maniac, and there was no hope for the electric creatures. Soon there were almost none left.

Adeleine had been vigorously firing her machine gun at the swarm of Bazui around her when she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. She looked up, and her eyes bulged.

"Uh. . . Kirby," she said, trying not to sound panicked, "you know how some baddies come in _giant _size?"

"Yeah? What's your. . . HOLY MOLEY!"

A twenty-foot-tall Bazui had just reared up over the other ones, bellowing loudly as giant bolts of lightning shot out of its nose.

"FALL BACK!" Kirby screamed, which was pretty redundant, since everyone else was already cowering behind him.

"_Not behind me! _Behind the boxes!"

Everyone obediently scrambled behind the nearest stack of crates, with Kirby close behind them. The giant Bazui apparently hadn't noticed, as it started sniffing around in confusion.

"What are we gonna do _now?_" Waddle Dee wailed once they were all safely hidden. "We can't beat that thing!"

"Oh, get a grip!" Kirby said angrily. "Who says we can't beat it? We've beaten tougher things than that! Let's just get out there and _fight_, and it'll go down like all the rest of them!"

Nobody had any time to object, as at that moment the Bazui swung its nose at the stack of crates, knocking them all down and exposing Kirby and the others.

"Get ready, guys!" Kirby shouted. "Everybody grab a weapon!"

Responding instantly, Adeleine grabbed her paintbrush, Dedede grabbed his hammer, and Waddle Dee, after hesitating a moment, grabbed Kirby.

"WHAT? HEY! NO! PUT ME DOWN!"

"CHARGE!" Waddle Dee shouted, running at the Bazui as quickly as he could, swinging Kirby wildly around above his head. Adeleine and Dedede ran after him, but they were all immediately scattered as the Bazui shot a bolt of electricity right in the middle of them, forcing them to dive in all directions to avoid it.

Meanwhile, Ribbon was still lying on the floor, the loud noises erupting all around her finally making her stir. She slowly sat up, stretched, and blinked her eyes open, and the first thing she saw was a gigantic purple aardvark attacking her friends.

"WOAH! Did I have too much Jamba Juice?" she wondered, rubbing her eyes. When the aardvark was still there, she continued to watch as it shot bolt after bolt at its attackers while savagely smacking them around with its nose and tail. At first she was horrified, but finally her features grew stony and a determined frown appeared on her face.

"Well, looks like my vacation's over," she said.

The battle against the Bazui was not going well. Waddle Dee ran behind it and started smacking Kirby against it with as much force as he could muster, but it had no effect. It wasn't so great for Kirby, either.

"OW! Waddle Dee – OW! – stop it! I'm – OW! – bleeding internally!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby!"

The Bazui was obviously getting impatient with Waddle Dee's feeble attempts, as it whipped around and blasted him squarely in the chest with an electric bolt, sending him and Kirby careening backwards and crashing to the floor.

"Waddle Dee!" Kirby cried, rushing to his friend's aid.

"I'm okay. . . ow. . .check that. . . no I'm not. . . I'm think I'm dying. . . ."

Meanwhile, Adeleine and Dedede couldn't even get close enough to get a hit, since neither of them had long-range weapons. The Bazui kept firing lightning bolts at them and driving them farther and farther back, until finally they were up against the back wall, utterly defenseless.

"Don't worry, guys! I'll save you!" Kirby called. He realized that this was it – he was the last one left to defeat the Bazui, and if he couldn't, it would be all over. So he concentrated hard, clenching his fists as he turned his electric force field up to maximum power, and then, letting out a thunderous battle cry, threw himself at the Bazui. . .

. . .who casually smacked Kirby with its tail, sending him crashing into Waddle Dee, sending both of them crashing into Adeleine and Dedede, causing all four of them to collapse to the ground in a heap.

"Okay, that didn't go down quite like I had planned," said Kirby.

This was it. They had lost. The Bazui let out a low growl and ever so slowly advanced on Kirby and the others. They all scrambled to their feet and cowered against the back wall, gazing up in wide-eyed terror at the monster that was about to kill them. Adeleine and Dedede were clinging to each other in panic.

"Dedede," said Adeleine, her voice quaking in fear, "in case we die, there's something I should probably tell you right now."

"What?"

"I think you're really sexy."

"KIRBY! SHE'S POSSESSED AGAIN!"

The Bazui let out one final roar and prepared to charge at them –

– when a bright red streak whizzed by them from out of nowhere, slamming into the Bazui and causing it to crash to the ground.

"Look in the sky! It's a bird!" said Kirby.

"It's a plane!" said Adeleine.

"It's just Ribbon, you morons," said Dedede. "Wait. . . it's _Ribbon!_"

"Ribbon's okay?" Waddle Dee exclaimed in wonder.

"What the heck are you guys _doing?_" Ribbon shouted from where she was hovering. "I leave you for fifteen minutes and you go and get your lives endangered _again?_"

"She's better than okay – she's totally snapped out of it!" Kirby realized, and started jumping for joy. "She's back to normal!"

"I'm so happy I could cry!" Adeleine cheered.

"Trust me, you _will _be when I'm done with you!" Ribbon snapped, flying toward them and stopping a few inches away from Adeleine's face. "Now would someone please explain to me what is going on? I was just taking a power nap and I woke up and saw all _this!_"

"Ribbon, I hate to tell you this," said Kirby, "but you weren't power napping. You were knocked unconscious."

"No I wasn't! _Nobody _knocks _me _unconscious!" Ribbon declared, holding Adeleine's machine gun up to Kirby's head so that there would be no further argument.

"Except for Kirby, like he did yesterday," said Dedede.

"You're next, Bluey!"

"No fair! I've been shot once already!"

By this time the Bazui had finally gotten back on its feet and was looking very angry indeed.

"Ugh! I can't believe you guys couldn't even beat _that _thing!" Ribbon said in exasperation. "Do I have to do everything around here? Come on, we're doing Offensive Maneuver 73-B! Right now!"

"73-B? But that takes time to prepare!" Waddle Dee objected. "We'll need a distraction in the meantime!"

"Fine. You be the distraction. Go do something so annoying that it _has _to focus all its attention on you."

"Way ahead of you, Ribbon!" said Waddle Dee, saluting smartly before running up to the Bazui, waving his arms to get its attention.

"Hey, purple thing, look at me! I'm an insurance salesman!"

The Bazui roared in fury and zapped Waddle Dee for the second time, much more fiercely than before.

"HURRY UP, RIBBON!" Waddle Dee screamed as he ran wildly around the basement with the Bazui chasing him all the while.

"Okay, Adeleine, your turn!" Ribbon said hastily. Adeleine nodded as she brandished her paintbrush and pallette and started painting faster than she ever had before. She had to do it on the wall itself, since her easel wasn't nearly big enough for what she had in mind. When she was finished, she had produced a long, narrow wooden plank. As her artwork always did, it turned real, fell off the wall and clattered onto the floor.

"That's perfect, Ad," said Ribbon, who had just rolled the root beer keg over on its side. "Kirby, Dedede, you guys know what to do!"

Adeleine threw the plank on top of the keg so that one end was touching the ground and the other was sticking up in the air. Then Kirby jumped on top of the lower end while Dedede ran over to the other side.

"Hey, Ribbon," said Kirby, "you're sure this this is going to work, aren't you? Like, you've tested it already, right?"

"I've done what now?"

"No time! Here it comes!" Dedede shouted.

Waddle Dee was scrambling frantically toward the others, trying to distract the enraged Bazui still coming after him. "CAN I INTEREST YOU IN ONE OF OUR CUSTOM PACKAGES?" he yelled over his shoulder.

"Get ready, guys!" said Ribbon.

Waddle Dee dived behind Adeleine, and the Bazui followed suit, throwing itself up in the air with an ear-shattering roar.

"NOW!"

Dedede swung his hammer down on the plank as hard as he possibly could, launching Kirby straight up in the air as his electric shield exploded out of him. He and the Bazui collided in midair, and even though Kirby was by far the smaller one, his momentum was so great that he sent the Bazui flying backwards and crashing straight through the ceiling.

Everyone was cheering by the time Kirby landed back on the ground.

"You beat it, Kirby!" Adeleine said happily, clapping her hands in excitement. "That was awesome! That was some severe pwnage!"

"Some severe _what?_" asked Ribbon.

"Sorry. I've just always wanted to say that," Adeleine said with her silly grin.

"No, seriously, severe what? I've never heard that word!"

"Oh, geez. . . ." Adeleine sighed and rolled her eyes. "You guys don't have computers on Ripple Star, do you?"

So while Kirby and Adeleine launched into a lengthy explanation of what exactly "pwnage" was, Waddle Dee went over to the group of unconscious people and started reviving them while Dedede walked underneath the giant hole in the ceiling and looked up at it, letting out a low whistle.

"That thing really did some damage!" he said. "I think it must have taken out the entire bottom floor! Like, there's literally nothing left up there!"

"What?" Kirby looked very alarmed. "Uh, guys. . . doesn't that mean the entire building is going to come crashing down on top of us?"

Everyone looked at each other.

"CRAP!" they all screamed.

-----

Although Kirby, Ribbon, Waddle Dee, Adeleine, Dedede, and every single other person who happened to be in the hotel managed to escape in the few seconds they had before the entire building collapsed in on itself, I won't bore you with the details of how it happened. Just take my word for it.

-----

Once it was over, all that remained of the hotel was a massive pile of bricks, wood, and concrete, hundreds of feet in diameter. Kirby and the others slowly and fearfully approached it, looking at what they had caused.

"Wow. . . you guys, you realize we're going to have to pay for all this," said Waddle Dee.

"Oh, would you quit being so negative?" said Kirby. "We saved the day again!"

"Right. And now that that's over – " Ribbon reached into the rubble and pulled out Browning. "What do we do with _him?_"

Kirby's suggestion was to "kick him where the sun don't shine", which Ribbon took to mean kicking him in the shade, but turned out to mean something very different.

"What? I can't do _that – _it's inappropriate, and this story's only rated K-plus!"

"So? I said 'biotches'!" said Adeleine.

"I had a nude scene!" said Kirby.

"YOU WHAT?" Ribbon screamed before catching on. "Wait. . . Kirby! You're _always _nude!"

"Yeah! So I had a _lot _of nude scenes!" He and Waddle Dee high-fived as Adeleine and Dedede laughed their heads off.

"You guys are the _sickest bunch of perverts I've ever met_," Ribbon moaned, hiding her face in her hands. "Why did I get stuck with all of you? _Why? _Couldn't Dark Matter have gone and possessed some _normal _people?"

"Uh, Ribbon, I really hate to interrupt," said Adeleine, pointing directly behind the fairy, "but I think the fat guy's getting away."

Ribbon turned around and very loudly uttered several words that can't be repeated in this story.

Browning was scrambling into the street as quickly as he could, desperate to get away from the scene. Ribbon tried to fly after him, but he was almost instantly lost in the rush of traffic, and for a moment it seemed like he was going to escape.

Suddenly, all of the cars on the road pulled off to either side as a horde of police cars and fire trucks came barreling around the corner, sirens wailing. Browning stopped dead in his tracks as one of the police cars pulled directly in front of him, cutting off his escape, and two policemen got out.

"Are you the proprietor of this hotel, sir?" one of them asked, none too pleasantly.

"Uh. . . yes?"

"Wow. Another genius," Dedede remarked.

"Sir, I hope you realize that spontaneously collapsing buildings is a serious health code violation!" the policeman said to Browning. "I'm afraid you're going to have to come with us."

"Wait. . . ." said the second one. "Isn't this the guy we busted for illegal cock fighting last year?"

"Illegal cock fighting?" Ribbon repeated, sounding highly amused.

"Money's hard to come by for me, okay?" Browning said sharply.

"Whatever. Let's just arrest the weirdo."

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, COPPERS!" Browning shouted before he took off running again. However, he hadn't gone more than a hundred feet before he started slowing down and panting heavily. Finally he simply stopped, putting his hands on his knees and gasping for breath. The police easily walked up to him and slapped handcuffs on his wrists.

"Dang. . . I really need to work out more."

"I _told _you!" Adeleine called after him as the police loaded him into the cop car and sped away.

-----

Wow. . . that was really long. Sorry. Only one chapter left, though! Hang in there my readers!


	10. In Search of a Moral

Gasp! It's. . . THE LAST CHAPTER! NO! But first, it's. . . THE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS!

First of all, I'd like to give a shout out to all my dawgs who reviewed this story, especially those who reviewed multiple times. Thanks for making my first-ever fan fiction such a success! (My goal was 25 reviews!) The award for most reviews given goes to. . . (drumroll) KirbyDjinn! Yay!

Since lots of people seemed to like it, I may even write a sequel. . . if I can come up with an idea. Any ideas?

In the meantime, my next dealy is going to be about Homestar Runner, so if anyone out there is an H-Star-R fan, go check it out.

That's all! Thanks again for reading my story, and enjoy the last chapter!

-----

"Well, that was a pretty weird adventure we just had," said Ribbon. With their relaxing weekend having abruptly come to a stop, the group had left the city to resume their quest and was now heading down a largely deserted dirt road that led through a grassy field.

"No kidding," Kirby agreed. "I'm just glad that it's all over with and that everybody's okay."

"Except I'm going into withdrawal," said Waddle Dee.

"I'm pretty much scarred for life from that whole aardvark thing," said Ribbon.

"I'm still obnoxious," said Adeleine.

"I still have that bullet in my arm," said Dedede, who then fainted from blood loss.

"Oh for crying out – Ad, paint him some smelling salts, would you?" said Ribbon. "And maybe a tourniquet while you're at it?"

Kirby just stood there and blinked. "Uh. . . well. . . okay, forget what I just said."

They had walked a little further when he spoke up again. "Soooo, guys, what do you suppose the moral of this story is?"

"There's a moral?" said Waddle Dee.

"Yeah, don't you think? I feel like we should have learned something from all this."

"Of course there's a moral," Ribbon said testily. "'Never, ever, _ever _listen to anyone besides Ribbon'!"

"I don't like that one," Kirby protested. "How about, 'If it costs more than twenty bucks it's probably not worth it'?"

"I personally like 'Street begging can be a surprisingly lucrative enterprise'," said Adeleine.

"Or maybe 'Always make sure your cocktail is really a cocktail'," said Dedede.

Waddle Dee stopped walking. "Guys, those don't make any sense! You have to think up a moral that will actually apply to real life! And besides. . . I know _exactly _what the moral of this story is."

"Really?" Kirby said as he and the others gathered excitedly around Waddle Dee. "What is it?"

"Hilary Duff sucks!"

Everyone groaned.

"Forget it. We're obviously all too stupid to interpret any kind of life lesson from this," Kirby grumbled.

"Well, that's not _our _fault!" Adeleine said defensively.

"Yeah! I blame the Internet," Dedede agreed. "And MTV."

"And just _who _are you calling stupid, anyway?" Ribbon snapped at Kirby. "As I recall, it wasn't _my _idea to go to that stupid hotel! If you guys hadn't insisted on 'relaxing' all weekend, none of this would have happened!"

"But Ribbon, if you hadn't been so harsh and belittling all the time, we wouldn't have wanted you to stay there in the first place!" Kirby shot back.

"So being too strict didn't work, and being too lax didn't work. . . ." Adeleine mused. "I guess the moral of this story is 'Moderation in all things'."

Everyone automatically turned to Ribbon to see her reaction to this, and to their surprise, she actually seemed to be considering it.

"Ad, as much as it stuns me to say this, you might actually be right," she said. "I mean, there's no way I'd ever be as lazy as _you _guys, but. . . I don't really enjoy being all strict like I am." She actually started looking a little timid as she continued to speak. "And to be honest, sometimes I wonder if it really does us any good at all."

Kirby's heart was thudding in excitement. "You really mean it?" he said, hardly daring to believe it. "So does that mean you'll lighten up a little from now on?"

"Maybe," Ribbon replied with a light smile.

"And you'll let us have fun sometimes?" asked Waddle Dee.

"Maybe."

"And you'll stop blaming us for everything?" asked Dedede.

"Maybe."

"And you'll start being nice to me?" asked Adeleine.

"Don't push it, kiddo."

"'Moderation in all things'. . . I really like that!" said Kirby. He had been smiling, but then the grin abruptly fell from his face. "I just can't believe _Adeleine _came up with that!"

"Seriously, Ad! That's gotta be the most sense you've made, like, _ever!_" Dedede said to her. "What gives?"

"I dunno. Maybe it's got something to do with this candy that Celia gave me before we left," said Adeleine, holding up a bottle marked _Ritalin_. "Wasn't that nice?"

"I'll tell you what _else _is nice," said Kirby. The look on his face suggested that he had something very exciting to tell the others, and he had been waiting for the perfect moment to relate the news. "Once the feds found out that the hotel was evil and stuff, not only did we not have to pay for any of the damage, but we got a complete refund."

"You don't mean. . . ." gasped Waddle Dee.

"I do! Check it out!" Kirby was positively beaming as he pulled out a check and showed it to the others. "All three hundred and fifty thousand dollars!"

Ribbon looked utterly bemused. "But Kirby. . . it only cost us thirty-five _hundred _dollars."

"Yes, well, I'm hoping we'll be in the next county before anyone figures that out."

"I don't believe it! I've never seen that much money in my whole life!" Waddle Dee cried ecstatically as he snatched it out of Kirby's hands and started examining it closely. Ribbon, Adeleine, and Dedede all crowded around him and gazed at it in awe.

Then Waddle Dee lifted his head back up. "But what are we going to do with all of it?"

"Hey! What's this 'we' I keep hearing?" Adeleine demanded. "Let's not forget who came up with all that money! Well. . . some of it, anyway! I think _I _should decide what we do with it."

"You're not just gonna hire Dedede to beat up more celebrities, are you?" Ribbon asked impatiently.

"In that case, you should probably save some money for when we lose the inevitable lawsuit," he said.

"What? What are you guys talking about? I'm not doing any of that stuff!" said Adeleine. "I got something else in mind."

-----

Waddle Dee was seated in one of the chairs that formed a circle around the room he was in, fidgeting anxiously. All the other chairs were also occupied, and one of the others in the room, a very well-to-do looking Kapar, suddenly turned his attention to Waddle Dee.

"Why don't you go next?"

"Uh. . . okay. . . . " Waddle Dee awkwardly pushed his chair out from underneath him and stood up. "Hi everybody. I'm Waddle Dee."

"Hi, Waddle Dee," chanted the rest of the group.

"And how long have you been drinking root beer, Waddle Dee?" asked the Kapar.

"Uh. . . let me think. . . about eighteen hours."

"Oh dear. Is that all?" The Kapar started scribbling something in his notebook. "This is a very quickly-onset addiction."

"WHAT? Is that what this is about?" Waddle Dee cried furiously. "Look, pal, no matter what my misinformed friend has told you, I do NOT have an addiction!"

"Oh, really? What were you planning on buying with that money that your misinformed friend spent on getting you into rehab instead?"

"A truck full of root beer. . . I mean, books for underprivileged children! What else?"

"Now, see, you've got three problems. You're addicted, you're in denial, and you suck at lying."

Adeleine and the others were watching all this through a window, and at that point, what they saw was Waddle Dee whipping out what he later referred to as his "mad kung fu action" on the Kapar.

"I didn't know arms could even bend that way," said Dedede.

"_Shh_," said the other three, watching the scene intently.

When it was over, Waddle Dee pushed the door open and walked into the room where his friends were waiting, dusting off his hands in a very businesslike way.

"Good news, guys. I'm cured!" he said.

"Geez, Waddle Dee, I didn't know you were so good at drop-kicking people out of windows like that," said Adeleine.

"Yeah, you pwned him pretty good," agreed Ribbon.

Dead silence. For a long moment everyone gawked at Ribbon in utter incredulity at what they had just heard, and then, as if on cue, all five of them burst out laughing at the same time. They started laughing so hard that finally they all slid to the floor, leaning against each other and almost crying in hysterics. And Ribbon laughed the hardest of all.

**THE END!**


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